I messed up the first of many public speaking events for my job and I can't stop thinking about it

2021.09.18 01:30 goatofwarding I messed up the first of many public speaking events for my job and I can't stop thinking about it

I'm in my early 30s and I've always been socially awkward. I'm doing a lot better now but I'm still pretty socially anxious. To give you some idea of how fucked up I am, I've never really had friends in my entire life and couldn't even really make eye contact with people well into my twenties. I've made a lot of improvements to both my social skills and physical appearance and was able to start a real career a few years ago. I left my old job, where I was generally well-liked but had a reputation for being a bit socially awkward, during COVID and started a new one last year. I've been doing really well since starting this job and have been able to fake being a socially well-adjusted and even confident person, to the point where I've been singled out for additional responsibilities. Yesterday I had to lead a meeting for a pretty large group. It involved a presentation followed by a discussion which it was my job to moderate. It felt like it was a test and I think I failed.
I've felt like I've been stretching my social, organizational, technical, etc skills to their absolute limit all year and just barely managing to hang on. Lately I started feeling like maybe it's all in my head and I'm a lot more capable than I thought I was. That's the only reason I went forward with this meeting rather than asking to push it back when given the opportunity to make that call the other day. I figured "oh, it'll be like everything else, I'll be terrified then I'll start and somehow manage to do it and everything will work out." I was very wrong.
From the start I knew something was off. Things were coming out wrong and I just kept pushing through it because I knew if I stopped talking I might not be able to start again. I lost track of the meeting agenda and kept having to be steered on track by others. I completely forgot the questions I was going to ask and had other people basically prodding me to do my job. I realized that I didn't actually understand the technical material being presented and discussed, or if I DID understand something my mind went blank at the time, so I choked on a few explanations and basically had to pass off to someone else to answer questions that I should have been prepared to answer. I accidentally cut someone off because I thought he was finished speaking due to an awkward pause or maybe an audio glitch on my end and he got kind of pissy with me for "interrupting" him even though all I heard was silence on my end.
I sounded confident and didn't stutter or anything, and got positive feedback for that, but I think that just made it worse. I said things that were wrong or stupid, and knew I fucked up as the words were leaving my mouth, but said them with conviction, like I had no idea how stupid I was sounding." I tried to come across as casual and friendly and ended up coming across as a dopey smartass.
My boss sent me an email with some feedback this afternoon and it was pretty mixed at best. I was told that I came across as confident and generally did ok with the presentation portions but that my tone was "off" and that I needed to sound more "relaxed and natural." I was then told that I "lost control" of the meeting and needed to be more proactive and authoritative. It was apparently "not a terrible first effort" but I was told that there was "a lot of room for improvement."
I'm struggling a bit right now because I have a hard time with feedback, even positive feedback, so being called out on the shit I knew I did wrong and having my fears confirmed is pretty rough. My boss seemed pretty confident that I was going to nail this and I think he's a little bit surprised and disappointed that I was so bad.
I'm worried because I'm supposed to lead these kinds of meetings fairly often in the future. I know I can practice and improve but I'm not sure how to improve in all areas. I struggle to sound "relaxed and natural" when talking to people I'm comfortable with so I don't think I'm ever going to be a great public speaker. I struggle at engaging in conversation even in small, informal groups. I have a really hard time knowing when people are done speaking or when they're about to speak and I always feel like I'm cutting someone off or speaking out of turn. If I can't figure that out then how the hell am I supposed to lead discussion for a large group? I also feel like I'm supposed to have a mastery of technical stuff that is just going to take me a lot of time to grasp. I'm also expected to handle this on top of my existing work load and it's kind of a lot.
The worst part is this is all over Zoom. Next year I'll be expected to do this in a crowded conference room and I just can't imagine doing that. I'm trying to think of a way to tell my boss I'd rather not have this responsibility, at least not yet, but I don't think there's a way to do that without negatively impacting my standing at this company and harming my long-term potential at what has otherwise been an incredible opportunity. I've also had my old boss reach out several times offering me a fully remote position for only a slight pay cut and it's really hard to resist the temptation to go back to my old company. The only thing stopping me is that it would look bad on my resume and it'd feel like a failure.
Anyway, right now I'm still cringing at certain things in my boss's email and flashing back to really stupid shit I said or did during the presentation and how people seemed to react to it. It feels like my brain is on fire and like nothing will ever be right again but I've been here before. It's probably not healthy but I'll get a bit drunk tonight and sleep in tomorrow and feel better by Sunday.
I can't decide what happened. One narrative in my head is that I fucked up, made a fool of myself, lowered myself in the estimation of my boss and peers, and have irreparably damaged my position at this company. The other is that I did a few things wrong but survived a very intimidating event, made some awkward mistakes that nobody will remember, and will be fine once I spend some time watching others lead the same session and practicing my delivery. I know the 2nd version is most likely true but the other still feels more real.
I'm posting this partly just to vent. I already feel much better just typing all this out. Beyond that, does anyone have any experience with being expected to handle these kinds of situations all of a sudden? Were you able to ramp up your skills in time or should I be looking for a way to avoid or delay this?
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2021.09.18 01:30 Nightsmoke91 Bye Bye Bye

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2021.09.18 01:30 Publius1993 Anybody else notice an increase of people not getting over for emergency vehicles?

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2021.09.18 01:30 OliLondonPapiChulo they're such good friends!:)

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2021.09.18 01:30 ruum-502 Fresh Focaccia. My wife did all the cooking. I just take the picture and do a majority of the eating

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2021.09.18 01:30 Obligatory_Username Sample chapters of Leviathan Falls have dropped

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2021.09.18 01:30 Bonsekk My job is ruining my mental health and relationship with my gf. how do i get out?

Some backstory: I'm guy in early 30es, I live in small tourist town(in a shitty country) without any real opportunities, I used to work as tour guide/tourist agent before co-vid, I was doing very well for myself getting my life back on track, finally managing to get my own place just before covid, only after that to lose all my income, i had to take i job as receptions at local hotel(resort) just to survive paycheck to paycheck. I'm working a lot overtime, night shifts for a 400 $ a month and it barely covers anything and the bills keep piling. Its a really toxic environment to work everyone one is overwork and underpay. The rear free days either I'm to tired or to depressed to search for new job. Also I've started having problems with gf I don't pay her the attention she deserves, im just to tired of everything. She has been here for me and im not returning nearly as much. I really don't wanna lose her. How do i get out of this loop living paycheck to paycheck? Can give me suggestions maybe for an freelance job, anything because i don't see the situation in tourism in my country at least. so i probably need a new carrier.
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2021.09.18 01:30 Exciting-Ad4286 Reddit Rant

It’s fucking Reddit. Leave it to a bunch of whiny drugged-up teenagers with terrible spelling to turn a comment section into a fucking shit show. My entire weekend is tarnished because of this. Every time I visit reddit, some pointless thread sullies my homepage. No longer will I visit reddit and wonder, am I the only one who care’s? No. Such is the black pit that is the top panel of r / poop.I know there was once a time Reddit was a bastion of discerning masturbation material, but every week the same 5 lame questions pop-up like so many vaginas all lined up. Something that is supposed to be in the public’s interest is being poured down the toilet. Women, you are ruining your best interests. If this is what you are looking for, start your own site. I have way better shit to publish than any of this garbage.
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2021.09.18 01:30 -Dyyno- IT'S BACK BABY

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2021.09.18 01:30 randompigeon76 How do I talk to people on dating apps?

I have been trying to get over my anxiety in regards to talking to people on dating apps. I feel bad for not responding to those who initiate conversation, but I can’t bring myself to actually talk to them. I make excuses for myself, such as “oh it’s past x o’clock, try tomorrow” or “let me think of something to say and respond later” but I never do. I know I’m over thinking it, but I do want to start dating again and this has been holding me back for a long time now.
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2021.09.18 01:30 V0X_Magnus LBRP – Consequences?

I am a Christian Occultist, so I don’t do the LBRP, although I certainly know it well. I have a dear friend that has chosen to take up the LBRP twice daily, and the LIRP in the morning.
She is doing this in order to begin the Great Work. However, her life is literally falling apart since starting. Lost jobs, lost love, lost things… She has become estranged from her family, and most friends.
I know that the LBRP can shake things up in your world to your benefit, but is this normal? I mean she’s being shaken to the core, and she feels like she’s breaking.
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2021.09.18 01:30 TonyLamo Can I change viewport camera controls in editor

Viewport camera. Currently the W and S keys move my viewport camera in the direction that my camera is facing. I would like for W and S to simply move me forward or backward in reference to the grid (not up or down if my camera is facing up or down) .
Picture a camera on wheels on the ground. If the camera is pointed up, pushing the camera forward does not push it up into the air, it simply moves it along the ground
Is this possible? TYI
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2021.09.18 01:30 Lucaz82 Jez Corden info on Xbox's future 1st/3rd party publishing plans

A bunch of info from Jez Corden about Microsoft ramping up their 3rd party publishing plans, to cover pretty much every genre out there. Apparently they are funding and publishing:
-A bunch of indie titles from smaller developers
-Side scroller beat-em-up, I'm assuming similar to streets of rage 4
-A MOBA based on an existing Xbox IP
-A cloud powered MMO
-Strategy game (Project Indus), which is apparently poaching devs from Civilization
And more plus the AAA games from Avalanche, IO Interactive, potentially Kojima etc. His main takeaway is that Microsoft is basically now funding and publishing a huge variety of titles big and small from common to niche genres, so everyone has something to be interested in, especially when it's all coming to gamepass
On the 1st party front:
-Mojang is developing more new Minecraft games
-inXile has massively expanded since the Microsoft acquisition and the scope of Project Cobalt (steampunk game) has grown hugely, so expect it to obviously be much bigger than Wasteland 3
-He now knows what Compulsion Games is working on
-He has heard MS has been talking to some smaller studios, and has reason to believe they might be acquired in the next few months, but nothing Bethesda sized
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2021.09.18 01:30 Watto_Bot (Attempt 2 now with struck-out names) Facebook isn’t even trying with their tumblr snips

(Attempt 2 now with struck-out names) Facebook isn’t even trying with their tumblr snips submitted by Watto_Bot to thatHappened [link] [comments]

2021.09.18 01:30 MinionandGary Gary is starting to approve of Zuko.

Gary is starting to approve of Zuko. submitted by MinionandGary to CatsAndDogsBFF [link] [comments]

2021.09.18 01:30 BurtonDesque Kristi Noem Forgets The First Amendment Exists

Kristi Noem Forgets The First Amendment Exists submitted by BurtonDesque to FreeAtheism [link] [comments]

2021.09.18 01:30 candidas Dr. Drew feeds into this falsehood

Anyone else notice how T now uses this "misspoke" BS. She straight LIED, but refuses to take accountability. When on Dr. Drew, he told her that he doesn't think that she lies on purpose. He thinks that she misspeaks on accident because she doesn't realize she is doing it. Now she has just ran with it. Now she says "There is a difference in lying and misspeaking". I feel like he was very irresponsible in all he has done with T. I feel like he should be held accountable as well. He really should investigate more into the lives of a person before taking publicly with a person. He was manipulated by her and we're all day back and watched it happen.
Now she misspoke about this 6th grade teacher. But was it misspeaking when she put on TikTok that the teacher "took naked photos of me.... For PLAYBOY"?!?!?!
Don't forget the words that have come from her own mouth. She said he had CP of HER......
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2021.09.18 01:30 Dark_Madness12k Check out this badass Underwater concept art!

Check out this badass Underwater concept art! submitted by Dark_Madness12k to UnderwaterMovie [link] [comments]

2021.09.18 01:30 Jay0061 I’m in SHOCK!!!

So I had $80k in my safe literally 16 hours ago so this how it started: I went to casino with $20k and I played baccarat I was up $5k in first 10 minutes but I didn’t leave and after I catch such a bad run I lost everything: Came home took another $20k and drove back to casino with no rest at all played for almost 7 hours up down up down end up loosing all my $20k again : Came home again and told myself this is the last time I will try to make my money back took another $20k and went back and again I lost it all: Came home again and took $15k out and left $5k at home bc at this point this is all I have so I left $5k for my bills went back and again I lost all my $15k so as of now I’m down $75k In less than 12 hours Came home again and well I told myself I am fucked anyways so why even keep $5k I took $4k with me and left $1000 at home bc that’s all I have and I would need money for food and gas went back to casino with $3500 and lost it in 5 minutes So now I have only $1000 left to my name and literally 16 hours ago I had $80k saved up just can’t believe what I did I came home and slept and now I just woke up and for a minute I thought it was a bad dream until I opened my safe and saw it’s completely empty I just can’t believe why I did this to myself my life is literately over I have no idea what I’m gonna do now and I don’t think anyone here have done something like this I kept driving back and forth to casino until I lost it all and casino was 2 hours drive from where I live so I can’t believe I took 4 non stop trips to casino tbh I am still in shock and it I haven’t completely processed it yet but I know I am fucked now I would never be able that have that money do money again in my life it took me 8 years to have $80k and I blew it in 16 hours I messed up big this time life is over now
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2021.09.18 01:30 mrs_zak_bagans Looking for people with similar charts.

Since it is almost Libra season, I would love to find people with charts similar to mine. 🥳♎️
Sun: Libra (Oct. 7th) Moon: Aquarius Rising: Virgo Mars: Virgo Scorpio: Virgo
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2021.09.18 01:30 HaiZ3 Bloody Mouse

I just bought a Bloody mouse and discovered they are banned from Rust, so my question is can I get banned even though I don't use the macros?
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2021.09.18 01:30 Milking-Pumas How does an introvert keep conversations going?

As of recent, I've been trying to get into a relationship. I hung out with my ex a couple days ago after I texted her for the 1st time in a long time. She seemed pretty excited, she was passionate about everything she talked about. But I couldn't keep the conversations going as well as id have liked to. She seemed to lose interest as the day went by. Considering she didn't text me back probably means she isn't interested. I want to keep trying for her, and prove to her I've changed, but with sub par social skills, its difficult to do so. I also don't know if she's looking for a relationship as well, so there's that.
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2021.09.18 01:30 The_food_lover112 What’s this?

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2021.09.18 01:30 jshemms now i cannot sleep, i’m too excited

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